not so soft.

New Addiction

notsosoft — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:13:18 +0000

I now have a new addiction
its called tumblr
Adieu WordPress, Adieu!

http://catroyalty.tumblr.com/

refresh

notsosoft — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 19:07:12 +0000

This blogs bores me now.

Im creating a new one…it will consist mainly of pictures and stuffs. I will post the link here once I create it.

Also be on the look out for new music project being created by me and some other people….that will probably get a blog too.

Birthday List

notsosoft — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 01:45:00 +0000

Things I want for my birthday: all or some of the items listed

For someone to teach my cats how to play patty cake
a Persian kitten, preferably not grey as to not make Mr Chaos jealous
a new motorcycle, yes….already
a fillet mignon
a new glass carafe since Larsen broke mine =(
cook gear for camping
warm comfy wool socks for winter
God Father soundtrack on vinyl
lots of red wine- from Italia only
a new book- fiction please
crossword puzzle book- yes I am an old lady at heart
local honey
a trip to Hawaii, Vancouver, Costa Rica, or New Zealand

I guess thats it for now….

Companionship

notsosoft — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 03:08:42 +0000

Turning darkness into light

notsosoft — Thu, 13 Oct 2011 22:30:31 +0000

When you stop smoking weed
after ritually using it for years
your mind freaks out
fogginess turns into clarity
you cant zone out anymore.
you see everything.
shit comes up
receptors searching for its lost compounds
try to focus, but you cant.
the only thing you can do
is try and occupy yourself by being productive
so this what normal sober people do huh?

I run for 10 minutes which feels like 30
do 30 lunges back and forth
pull ups, squats
my body is thanking me
for sweating the darkness out.

The past two weeks have been an emotional hell
everyday gets better though
as my darkness fades away to light.

Transcendence

notsosoft — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 17:52:34 +0000

I am That which I avoid.

I am That which I seek.

Disease

notsosoft — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 16:15:52 +0000

“Disease is the result of wrong thinking and wrong doing, and ceases when the act and thought are put in order. When the lesson of pain and suffering and distress is learnt, there is no further purpose in its presence, and it automatically disappears.”
~Edward Bach

Today marks a new day.
No more routines running my life.
No more numbing.
Stopping interactions with toxicity.
A new beginning towards more clarity.
Or maybe a continuation of what has already shifted.

Last night I had food poisoning. Or what thought was food poisoning. I purged all night but nothing came out. I believe I was purging sadness. Every time I heaved into the toilet, all I could feel was sadness for others, for the state of humanity, and for myself. I think my body was checkin me, saying ” Hey you aren’t even close to it yet”. It was a humbling experience. But also a very scary one.

I wrote an article for a new alternative heath newsletter I have been asked to contribute to. While writing, it helped bring my soul back to perspective. It reminded me that moments like this serve a purpose.
If your interested in reading more check out my herb blog.

Il ritorno della bestia….

notsosoft — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 14:10:12 +0000

Happy Equinox

cool air blessings

notsosoft — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 14:05:15 +0000

These last couple days, well mornings specifically, have been brief highlights of whats to come in the next months. Cool air, brisk blankets, cuddles, and a call for new beginnings has infiltrated my reality. What is it about the first cool air of Fall that completely changes my thought perception, my happiness, and fills me with hope? Reminds me that seasonal change is important for me.

Larsen and I spent the other day sowing seeds into our winter garden. I planted collard greens and mustard greens, he planted zucchini and transplanted basil and hot peppers. This is just the beginning. I predict this will be our best crop yet. The soil is prepared, the seeds strong, and we are in the right mindset. Following the moon and weather patterns, we are on the right track. I sang to the soil, he trotted along, crystallized rocks watch over the plot to the east. To the west lies our new herb garden, looking happy and greener than ever. And to think, that just beyond the fence are trucks and cars emitting toxic fumes and vibrations unhealthy to our being, but the plants keep working hard to battle all the obstacles that lie ahead. It will triumph this time. We will plant again before he leaves for tour.

I plan on surfing this weekend again. The surf has been fuckin amazing but I haven’t been able to go this week. I want to surf this swell as much as possible, also to enjoy the warmer waters before wetsuits are needed.

Fascinating

notsosoft — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 18:19:23 +0000

Check out the Astronomy Pic of the day brah, its fascinating ———-> here